Okay, let me back up a bit and set up the situation. It was zone conference earlier. We went to Ormoc yesterday for interviews. I was visiting with a lot of cool missionaries, one of them another Canadian: Elder Wynder, the guy who trained Elder Swingler. To my knowledge, we're the only two Canadians in the mission.
Today was the actual zone conference. It was pretty good. It was President and Sister Dimaya's last one in Ormoc. They go home at the end of this month. After conference was over, I wanted to talk to President Dimaya about getting a loan, because I only had 18 pesos left, and support doesn't come until July 1. However, Sister Dimaya got to me first. I was wearing sandals, so she knew what that meant: my toenail was ingrown again. She took a look at it and decided to operate right there in the chapel, just like last zone conference. A crowd gathered around, this one bigger than the last time, all of them amazed at my ugly swollen toe. The surgery started. It hurt, but no worse than the last time. The other missionaries and I were even cracking jokes while it was going on. Once Sister even had to stop, because I was laughing too hard. After five minutes, she stopped and went over to her little medical kit. I thought I was done, so I sat up. She came back and said, "That's just one side." So I laid back down as she went back to work. This side of the toe had been giving me the most trouble, so it hurt more to operate on it. I was in a lot of pain, so I stopped joking back at the other elders. The nail was very deep, so Sister Dimaya had to dig in pretty far to get at it. Elder Kopp was sitting right by my head so he could tell how much pain I was in. He told me to remember what the Lord said to Joseph Smith while he was in Liberty Jail about how He gave trials to the prophet in order to give him experience and to strengthen him. That just got me thinking about how maybe I wasn't worthy to be here, and that maybe God is punishing me. Add this to my worries about home and the frustration of having to put up with so much pain on a regular basis, and tears came to my eyes. I wasn't crying hard yet. I closed my eyes and kept them closed just so I didn't have to look at anyone. After another five minutes of Sister trying to dig the remaining piece out, she stopped, and Elder Surowiec leaned towards me and said, "We're going to Tacloban." I covered my eyes and started shaking my head in frustration. I started crying harder, but silently. I couldn't talk, or else I'd cry harder, so I just laid there, hands over my eyes, shaking my head because I didn't (and still don't) want to go to the quacks in Tacloban. Elder Surowiec dispersed the crowd in order to give me a little bit of privacy. He sat next to me with Elder Kopp and Elder Pfister, and the three of them tried to make me feel better. I didn't say much, because my voice was too shaky, but I managed to get across my appreciation. I still didn't uncover my eyes, though. I kept a handkerchief over my eyes. After 15 minutes of laying there, I got some control and stopped crying. Sister Dimaya instructed us to watch my toe, and if it starts to get bad again that I should go to Tacloban and have the whole nail removed. She knows about the last encounter my toe had with a doctor in Tacloban, so she said that I could have them give me a general anaesthetic. Then she went about other business she needed to do. Elders Pfister and Kopp went back to their areas, and Elder Surowiec went to talk to the zone leaders, so I sat up and put my sock and shoe back on. As I did, Elder Wynder sat next to me to see how I was doing. I shook my head and started crying again. My handkerchief covered my face again, and as Elder Wynder put his arm around my shoulders, I said, "It's just so damn frustrating!" and started crying even harder than before. I cried like that for a minute or two while he comforted me. I don't know him very well, but after that, I really like him. Then I went to the washroom and washed up a bit. I was fine for the rest of the day.
 |
| Elder Surowiec had to hold me down. It looks like Elder Sutton is assisting Sister Dimaya, but he's just marveling at my toe hair. I'm pretty sure that's Elder McIver in the top right corner. |
It was a very strange experience for me. I had forgotten what it was like to cry. Sure, I was a little humiliated for breaking down like that in public, but everyone was nice--even loving--about it. On the other hand, I'm glad to know that I'm still capable of shedding tears. A lot of crap has happened in my life these past couple of years, and I didn't cry at all because of them.
No comments:
Post a Comment